Perhaps 'lonely' only sounds like an alarm bell when you are as much of an extrovert as I am, conjuring up some tortured image, but tonight I kept wishing that someone would contact me -- pull me out of my self-drizzle. It was compounded, briefly, with guilt - wondering if perhaps I was lonely tonight because I hadn't volunteered or signed up for enough programs... It was a ridiculous combination of self-pity, boredom, apathy & loneliness... when my phone rang.
"Diana! Where are you, how have you been? .... What are you doing? When will you next come to ICAR? Tomorrow? I'd like to buy you chicken and rice,... oh, but tomorrow I can't, I have to help an old lady, it's a duty in the community. What if I come to you another day, because I can drive in? I'm trying to convince you, you see..." These are fragments of a real conversation that I had tonight, with a friend that I haven't seen in about half a year. I think the reason that it delighted me so, besides the obviously wonderful timing for snapping out of the duldrums and feeling less lonely, was the matter of factness about it. Like a reality check came the realization that an un-lonely life requires being flexible... the menu was already (randomly) pre-chosen, I'd have to flex on the day (or inconvenience an old lady, how heartless would that be?), and the conversation would be driven by his effervescent questions and stories from the day.
"Maybe I had too much time. Maybe I had lost my mind...." Lost in a vortex of self-reflection? The next time you talk to someone, really LIStEN to them, and think about flexing to their world reality.... it's definitely better than worrying if you are lonely (or loosing your mind).
