Ruins and ruminations...

It’s Friday, which like elsewhere in the world means the weekend for Strongheart, although since we all live in the same house, it only means a slightly different schedule/routine. For the Fellows and I it means looking forward to a field trip tomorrow – we’re heading out to Tala, a place where the US had a military base during WWII. The US was quite interested in Liberia at the time - for the export of rubber for war time production efforts and as a place from which to launch military forays into North Africa. Things have generally been quite busy here at Strongheart. Since last weekend, where I was surprised by my DC house-mate Sarah Day and enjoyed a fun weekend of relaxing and catching up, the Fellows have written their first drafts of their five page papers as well as practiced designing an interview. Not to mention moved a truck load of black dirt and transplanted the seedlings from the nursery, painted a blackboard, and performed some community service – both in front of our house as well as by the high school.

I’ve been thinking a lot about love and healing. As concepts they are beautiful, inspirational, and very, very good. In reality they are messy, complex, and still very, very good. Yet how much we all need both in our lives, even when we had happy, stable childhoods. I realized that I had become so preoccupied with the things that needed to happen here – the learning circle schedule! The expense report! – that I had lost sight of the people that I came to love and help. As I took the time to tell each one personally that I loved them, I felt my stress level melting away, I was able to receive their love back myself. How grateful I am for the depths of the Father’s love, that no matter how self-absorbed, trite, or weak we are – we can trust His faithfulness, the consistency of His love towards us. Quiet confidence: I can rest in that love, and then help pour out healing for the nations.

Oh, for wisdom!

It's raining outside, a steady heavy rain, only a little lighter than the monsoon rain we've had most of the day. We were supposed to go and pick up black dirt this afternoon - to ready the garden for the seedlings growing in the nursery, but that would be a miserable (and likely futile) experience this afternoon - so it is on hold.

Cori left back to the States on Sunday and Timmy went into Monrovia for four days respite this morning, so I'm technically the only learning circle guide here -- and probably ought to be coming up with an alternate lesson right now, since we can't move the dirt. But I think that everyone just needs a little down time. This morning Sis Essie - the House Mother who cleans, does laundry and provides cooking relief to the chef - came to me and told me that all of the Fellows need to stay home after dinner - that they don't need to go out afterwards, because some people in the community were concerned about them getting involved in inappropriate things. That idea went over like a ton of bricks.... although no small wonder, some of them are almost 25! Instead, we agreed that Sunday could still be a 'going-out' day (until 10) but said that for the other days, we would stay at home unless there was something specific that they wanted to see or do. But the snide comments that were said and the anger that came out was intense - lasting through two sessions (including your's truly's non-violence movement session in Conflict Resolution learning circle) - and boiled over in a palawa at lunch. It is hard to watch boys becoming men cry because the honor of their mother was attacked - and it is unsettling to have the only girl in program who hasn't yet caused 'problems' begin muttering and sputtering about being made a chicken (Liberian slang for a derogatory version of a homebody). The difficult thing is that the generator broke a week ago, and the temporary replacement that we have doesn't have enough power to run the movie projector - and everyone is going a little batty being cooped up in the house with all the rain. Personally I'm stressed because I'm trying to figure out how to make the budget stretch and also be patient as I wait for directives from headquarters...

The frustration from this morning is the type of thing that people calm down from, I think -- but it makes me wonder about the design of the program - the purpose of each of the rules/restrictions - and whether changing attitudes and minds is really possible... Mostly, it makes me desire more wisdom. Wisdom for which words to use, wisdom for when to comfort and when to push, wisdom for when to organize something or let people have down time to process/adjust/heal. Wisdom that assures me that it is okay to hide away in my room and blog instead of facing the emotional lions out there.

Speaking of lions, a funny note. When Timmy left this morning, he dramatically stated, "Okay, household, the lion of the jungle is leaving to go to town." And Alieu, the security handiman said "No problem Timmy. The funny frog will stay here in the swamp." :-)

Oh that the sun would come out!